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Sharon Florentine recently posted a fabulous article on the 10 Weirdest Titles in Tech that got me thinking that the data center industry can certainly come up with a similar list. What follows is a selection of weird job titles that showcase the special character, and characters, of the data center community. By the way, you can always come to a Green Grid Technical Committee Summit or Forum event where you will certainly run into many more weird job titles and interesting characters.

1. Space Cadet: One of my favorite real titles was for a facilities engineer I knew who assisted in a corporate relocation. As big issues to contend with were office space, interdepartmental fiefdoms, and egos, he was given the title of Space Cadet to bring a bit of comedic relief to the overall process.

2. Inventor: Warp Drive, for all the Star Trek fans out there, can you imagine going to work at Tesla as an engineering director assigned with commercializing their lithium-ion-powered drive-trains for use as a commercial energy plant knowing these plants work best in pairs? Hence the internal project code name: di-lithium. (Okay, so this isn’t a data center – yet – but those warp engines could be the data center power plant of the future.)

3. Mr. Green: A title my friend Rob Aldrich held and supported as his email alias during his tenure at Cisco. These days, Blue may be the new Green, and between carbon reporting, conflict minerals, general sustainability issues, and keeping one’s company out of the cross hairs of Greenpeace, perhaps the new job title we are looking for is:

4. The POD Father: Perhaps some of you already know him. Rumor has it that this title was bestowed upon Wade Vinson, Distinguished Technologist (another awesome job title) at HPE by Dean Nelson (eBay) but that may just be a #datacenterlegend. (I always wanted to create a new Twitter hashtag!)

5. Freeze Witch/Wizard: Some may think these individuals only exist in the realm of games but with Facebook’s introduction of cold storage facilities specific to long-term and low-access data storage, my guess is someone within the organization has already usurped one of these job titles.

6. Chief NIMBY (Network Interconnection Management and Balancing Yeoman): Okay, given the current understanding of NIMBY, this one is not likely to see the light of day. However, one has to wonder with the growing ranks of network operators, technicians, planners, etc., that someone must be seeking the killer app of job titles and frankly being able to tie Chief and Yeoman into the same description just screams name tag winner at the next Cisco event.

7. Master of the Obvious: You probably already know this person in your organization, and no, it isn’t that annoying person who tells you with the utmost certainty which team will win the next sporting event (or test). Rather, it is often the individual driving part of the sales/marketing organization who tosses Big Data Analytics and Internet of Things aside saying “Pareto was right at least 80% of the time, so let’s stop all the number crunching and go call on the 96% of the people who haven’t made up their minds.” Of course, this individual was also known to say, “It’s only an iceberg!”

8. Data Center Magician: Unfortunately Thomas Tusser was right, and some in the industry have met people who make some outlandish claims that they can improve efficiency, resiliency, and availability without upsetting operations or impacting budget – only to leave one with an empty checkbook and quite often a facility now teetering on the precipice of disaster. In this case, the Data Center Magician is that amiable jack-of-all-trades who is always there in the trenches identifying real opportunities for energy savings, new methods to deploy IT kit faster, easier, and with more accuracy and improved inventory tracking, can identify the impending pump failure by sound/vibration alone, can rebalance the air handling systems blindfolded, and is always there when the going really gets rough and the facility is minutes away from total shut-down. By the way, you can find good men and women like this coming home from deployment, so try to hire one.

9. Water Boy/Girl: Shades of Bobby Bucher with the recent uptick in the use of evaporative cooling, both direct and indirect, there comes with these systems the need for water treatment. Unfortunately for most data center designers, owners, and operators, the idea of water and electricity don’t mix so this recent addition to the organization has been through a combination of home-schooling, OJT, and – dare I say it – trial by 1,000 drips. However, the caliber of those who have risen to the occasion – Ben Pruitt – have proven themselves to be industry game-changers.

10. Data Center Land: Baron/Baroness: With the accelerating global growth of hyperscale data centers, the importance of real estate holdings, investments, and hedge plays has created a need for an individual with cat-like reflexes, tons of cash at hand, and the skills of a master strategist to grab that perfect piece of land before the competition realizes the nascent opportunity. The Data Center Land Baron/Baroness is one who analyzes the mix of available renewable resources, fiber connectivity, RF/wireless networks, energy costs, water costs, tax breaks, ITCs, and competitive holdings all to ensure their company is always one or two steps ahead of the market, and when possible, to lock their competition out of the region.

No doubt, I haven’t scratched the surface of unique job titles within the data center community. Please comment with your personal favorites. We’ll compile them for a future update.

And I’m buying the Starbucks drink of your choice to the first person who can hand me an official Data Center Land Baron/Baroness business card. Will it be from Apple, Google, Microsoft, Yahoo, Alibaba, Digital Realty Trust, Equinix, Switch, Interxion, NTT, AT&T, Verizon, BT, CBRE, JLL, or you? Stay tuned.